R. Kelly Receives a Visit From That Po-lice

by riley

2008-03-13 14:55:58 PDT

Frame of reference:

R Kelly: Sorry you had to come down here for this officer, I do believe she tweakin.

You see Officer, the only thing I was trying to extablish with her was not WHO was right or wrong, but in fact, WHAT is right and wrong.

Yes sir, I have heard that referred to as real talk.

Officer1 {shuffling papers}: Mr. Kelly, her report clearly states that her friend say she saw you at a club wit some otha bitches. Were you sittin in VIP ?

R Kelly: Yes officer, we had a very nice time smoking and drinking, and otherwise kickin it, but did her report also mention that there were other guys there ? Were there other guys in the report ? Then perhaps you can tell me this, huh. Indeed how exactly the fuck she know I was with them otha girrrrrls then ? As I told your partner, the whole club was packed.

Officer2: Mr. Kelly, if what they eat does NOT in fact make you shit, perhaps you’d like to explain to my partner and I here what DOES make you shit. We can have this conversation downtown, you know.

R. Kelly: Now wait just a minute, let me finish what I got ta say !! I believe if you look at the facts here, you’ll see that if I try to have a good time, I will be immediately accused of some ol booshit. "Robert I heard you did this, Kels I heard you did that." Now, what do you suppose that is ? Does she think I perhaps don’t have enough booshit on my mind ?

{Aside}

Officer1: We’ll have to get Mr. Kelly’s mamma’s statement as well, seems there was an unscreened call placed to Mrs. Kelly during the incident. You know, off the record Bill, I hope she watched her mouth during that conversation.

Officer2: I hear you John. Did you happen to catch a glimpse of her hair, toes, and nails ? She must have gotten them done jus d’otha day.

Officer1: Yeah I saw that. I can only imagine the smile that must have been on her ass then.

{/Aside}

Officer1: How long have you been with her, Mr. Kelly ? ...may I call you Kels ? How long have you been with her, Kels ?

R. Kelly: I believe the real issue here is not that we been togetha fie year but that she is listening to her mufuckin girlfriends. To be totally honest officer, I don’t know why it is that she fuck wit dem jealous no man havin assholes anyway.

Yes now that you mention it, I have heard that referred to as real talk at times as well.

Officer2: Have you considered the possibility of her becoming horny and fucking one of her funky-assed friends ?

R. Kelly: Hell, you know, between you and me officer, she probably already doin that shit anyway. Honestly that shouldn’t surprise you-- after all, you are down here because she burned my mufuckin cloOoOothes.

Officer2: I’m sorry Mr. Kelly, but in her statement she clearly says that you requested she do that.

R. Kelly: You bogus officer.

Thanks for help to Geoff Pisscubes.