2008-12-27 12:08:27 PDT
I'm sitting on my balcony having a smoke, and some old man, who is dressed pretty nicely and looks a lot like Wilford Brimley, is standing in the alley. He starts farmer-blowing.
I mean, really farmer-blowing. He's snorting and blowing and repeatedly rubbing his hands on his pants, blowing snot out everywhere and wiping what he gets on his hands onto his pants. It's disgusting.
Finally, the fucking guy takes a Kleenex out of his pocket and daintily dabs his nose. He had a Kleenex in his pocket the whole time.
2008-09-19 15:56:56 PDT
First, a little back story.
Ed Hochuli is the awesomeest referee in the NFL. He's also pretty jacked up. Dude is huge. When he signals a first down, it's a gun show every time. Until we all knew what his name was, he was known as "The 'Guns' Referee." Look:
Last weekend, Hochuli made a rare bad call that arguably cost the Chargers a game. (Fuck the Chargers, they're a bunch of shitheap bitches anyways.) He got all kinds of shit for it, which I thought was pretty unfair considering how good of a referee he is, so I wrote him an e-mail:
Dear Ed Hochuli,
First: I'm sorry if I should have e-mailed you elsewhere, but this was the address I found. I hope I'm not getting in the way of law firm business by swamping your server.
Second: Don't take Sunday's bad call too bad. Shit happens. You're my favourite NFL referee, and in my opinion, the best in the league - whenever I'm watching a game and I see you're refereeing, I know we're in for a well-officiated game. I especially enjoy how well you explain any calls based on intricate rules - it improves the understanding of the game for everyone watching.
Even my wife (who has recently become an NFL fan) knows that when "the guns referee" is referring the game, that it's going to be good. So ignore the hate mail.
Jason
P.S. - Did the NFL get you bigger shirts this year, or have you been taking it easy on the weights?
Turns out I wasn't the only one - I read yesterday he got something like 8,000 e-mails in a few days.
And today, I opened my e-mail after lunch and look what was in my inbox:
He e-mailed me back! Pretty cut-and-paste e-mail - not that I blame him considering he got 8,000 e-mails (you gotta figure 95% of them were supportive). He sent:
First of all, I'm sorry this response is so short, but I have been overwhelmed with emails of support, like yours. In fact, I've received thousands of emails since yesterday morning. I can not tell you how humbling it is to have received this kind of support from folks like you.
Thank you so much for taking the time to write me. I really do appreciate your words of support. I will forever regret the mistake I made this past Sunday, but the kind words of support have helped me deal with it, learn from it, and begin to move on.
Thank you so much,
Ed Hochuli
So how awesome is that??
2008-08-06 22:08:10 PDT
FAAAAAVVVVVREEEEEE!!!!!
FAAAAAAAA-VVVVVREEEEEE!!!!!
I mean, one of my favourite players of all time, whom I flew to Wisconsin to watch play, un-retires and after weeks of a three-ring 24/7 clusterfuck, gets traded to my favourite team. And I've already got tickets to see the Jets play in two games this season. Are you fucking kidding me?!?!
This season is going to rule so bad.
SO. BAD.
2008-07-17 20:13:10 PDT
I'm sitting on my balcony having a beer, and some asshole on my street has his windows wide open and has played Hotel California at least three times in a row.
That is all.
